finishing/beginning
The start and end are always the most exciting part of a project, for me. But, clearly, the more rewarding of the two is the end. I feel pretty great anytime I can successfully accomplish a goal I've set up for myself.
So, today I should, by all accounts, feel pretty great considering I finished what is probably the longest book I've read cover-to-cover, Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace (it clocks in at 1000+ pgs). I read some of it on a fairly terrible cruise and then added a few pages here or there, mostly here in my bed shortly before falling asleep. I figured I would never finish it since free reading time seemed nonexistent due to grad schoolish-type concerns (this could be a myth/rationalization) and the plot seemed a little, well, missing in the first 200 or so pages.
When term ended, though, I decided I was going to finish it. And I did. I read the last 750 pages in about a month. And I loved doing it. I've never really experienced a book that compelled me so strongly to reread parts. It also struck this balance of being incredibly entertaining while delving into deeper issues of the value of entertainment, irony/cynicism and emotion. I was seriously tempted to start reading it again right after I finished it, but I decided to cool my jets a bit.
Walking home from Diesel, where I finished it, I got one of those existential twitches that taps directly into your self and shakes you for a bit. One of those "I don't think my heart is really in this" kind of thoughts about grad school/academia. Even more frightening was the realization that I'm pretty scared of depth in any field, really. The apparent finality of choosing a life path and all that. Fortunately (I guess), I'm seeing this same twitch all around me, in a lot of my friends. When I explain it to older folks, they seem to identify as well. It's nice to know that while the experience itself might be deeply lonely, I am not alone in experiencing it. It's strangely comforting to stumble upon these, sometimes painful or difficult, ways we are really very similar social beings.
2 Comments:
I feel you Matt and that is one reason why pursuing acting is such a comforting idea--it's a set career path that is the least set of them all. Well, I think it is anyway. I find comfort in doing what I need to do to make ends meet monetarily and filling up the rest of my time with more fulfilling activities. Moments when money and fulfillment collide will be moments greatly appreciated, but I figure there will only be moments of that. I like reading your blogs, Matt. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your thoughts.
It's so great that you finished it. Congratulations. I have tried to get half a dozen people to read this book (a hard sell!) and failed every time, unless you count my husband, who finally slogged through but (@#)$?!) refused ()#$*)($*)@#$**#$) to read the footnotes! I ask you. Made me want to pound my head against the wall--!
Please tell me what you think of the last chapter. What exactly happens to Don Gately, do you think?
Also--I kind of burned out on it and quit about a year ago, but there is a mailing list called wallace-l at http://www.waste.org that has got some really diehard and smart Wallace fans who love to talk about Infinite Jest--some of them brilliantly and some, a bit less so.
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